Winter in Pherae
by telecasterciel
Summary: A story taking place in Pherae shortly after Roy's mother's death. Told in Roy's perspective.
1. Winter in Pherae

Winter in Pherae. The air was crisp and cold, and all the windows were blurry with fog. Few dared to venture out in the blizzard the day before, so come morning all I could see were vast blankets of freshly-fallen, untouched, sparkling snow.

Milord Hector and Lady Lilina were staying over for the week to attend Mother's funeral. Why she died I do not know; my father would not tell me. Yet...some part of me thought he just didn't want to believe it. But I knew deep inside...that she was truly gone.

"Roy? Are you in there?"

It was Father. "Yeah, I'm coming out soon," I answered, quickly throwing some clothes on and getting ready. Then I opened the door a crack, peering into the hallway.

"Looks like someone's stayed up too late last night," Father said, his arms crossed over his chest.

"I wasn't sleepy. I was just...contemplating."

His look changed to one of concern. "Are you feeling alright?"

"As right as I'll ever be. Shall we go for breakfast now?" I asked, changing the subject.

Father smiled a little. "Yes, lets..."

We walked downstairs, father and son, to the dining room.

"Roy!"

I hesitated. "...Lilina?"

She nodded, smiling. "That's my name. Where were you all morning?"

_Sleeping_, I thought to myself, did not say aloud, but instead: "I was, uh, reading up on some things."

"_That's_ your big excuse? What would you expect me to do while you 'read up on some things'?" Her eyes were bright, but I could detect a slight tone of annoyance in her tone.

"Lilina!" Lord Hector reprimanded her. It was then that I should have realized Milord hadn't told her about Mother's death. But then why was she here? It didn't make sense.

"I was reading up on...things we could do together this week, like ice-fishing, or sledding, or maybe even snowman-building!" I finished smoothly, through my face slightly reddened.

Her face lit up. "Really? That sounds fun, but let's try something else too," she added, "like...why don't you teach me how to skate?"

"...Huh?" I certainly hadn't expected this. "Um...well...I'm just a beginner, and the ice isn't very thick..."

"No excuses! Come on, it'll be fun! And besides, winter's only just started. What with the snow and cold last night, I'm sure the ice must be safe enough now for skating."

I could see where her reasoning came from, but still couldn't understand the point of her logic. Oh, well. "S-sure, I'd love to," I said.

Father gave me a questioning look. "It'll be fine," I whispered out of the corner of my mouth as I ate some more. "Don't worry about it."

_Oh, I worry all right_, the look in his eyes told me, but he merely nodded. "Have fun, then."

I noticed Father and Lord Hector exchanging glances. Father seemed a little confused, and Lord Hector looked embarrassed. Right away I could tell that they'd probably have a little talk later.

"I'm finished breakfast. May I be excused?" I asked, feeling uncomfortable.

"I'm done too," Lilina chimed in.

Father nodded. "Sure. Make sure you don't go far. Come back for lunch, okay?"

"Yes, Father. Thank you," I replied, then turned to Lilina. "Let's go."

------------

What did you think of Chapter I? More to come.


	2. Songs of Sadness

"Meet me back here in a bit, okay?"

"Sure," I murmured, closing the door behind me as I watched Lilina hurry down the hallway. Then I was about to leave for my room...when I heard a voice coming from back inside the dining room.

It was Father's. "Well, you seem to be enjoying yourselves," he remarked rather dryly.

"Alright, I get it already!" Lord Hector's voice boomed. "You seem a little irritated."

"I seem a _little_ irritated?" Father's voice rose slightly. I could detect emotion coming. I opened the door very slightly, trying to see what was going on.

"I'll tell her when they come back," Lord Hector continued. "Surely you understand. I can't just run after them and spoil their fun."

I felt outraged at this comment, though years ago I would have thought nothing of it. 'Fun Uncle Hector', I used to call him. But now I thought him inconsiderate. Surely he wouldn't hurt Father for the sake of my mere enjoyment!

"But...but Hector...why couldn't you..." Father seemed to struggle for words, for the sake of politeness towards his long-time friend. "Why couldn't you even tell your own daughter what happened? My own...wife..." his voice faltered, refused to go on.

It took all my willpower to restrain myself, wanting so badly to swing open the double-doors and comfort my Father. I wouldn't have cared if I got in trouble for eavesdropping, but for the sake of guilt I could not.

These past days, my heart was full of pain and sorrow because of Mother's death, and I had often segregated myself in my room, refusing to speak to anyone. But did I think of Father? Did I think of how he felt at all? Part of me was irritated and furious at Lord Hector for his tactless remarks. But another part of me was glad...relieved that I'd seem a good soul in comparison to him...at least, it might be in Father's perspective. But what did Father really think of me?

"I must seem an ungrateful child," I said to myself, closing the door quietly. And it was at that moment that Lilina came back.

"Did you say something?"

I shook my head hastily. "Oh, no, nothing to worry about. Are you ready to leave now?"

"Yes..." she hesitated, nervously fingering the intricate designs that had been woven into her gloves. "Did I keep you? I'm sorry I took so long!"

"N-no problem at all. You were pretty fast, anyway."

She nodded, smiling. "Okay. So, where to?"

"Let's check out the place first," I answered. "You just got here yesterday, after all, so I thought it'd be nice to show you around." I gently took her by the hand and we walked down the grand stairway together. And it was then that we heard soft music playing. Lilina looked at me, seeming eager to check it out. "The ballroom," I whispered, guiding her.

"Uncle Wil!" I breathed, seeing the archer at the piano. "I didn't know you could play so well!"

"I didn't think you knew I could play at all. And don't call me Uncle Wil," he added with a wink. "It makes me sound old. In fact...I think I'd sound cooler if you called me..._Sir_ Wil the Great."

"Father!" the youth beside him groaned. "Stop that!"

I grinned, almost turning away to contain my laughter. "Hey, Wolt! I'm glad you could make it."

Wolt nodded. "Glad I could make it too. That was some blizzard last night! I thought we'd be snowed in for sure! But it let up a little, so we were fine."

"Roy," Lilina said suddenly, "do you play the piano too?"

"Somewhat," I answered, nodding. "Do you...want me to play for you?" I noticed Uncle Wil move away from the piano.

"Y-yes!" she stammered. "I mean..."

I saved her further embarrassment by going over the piano bench and sitting down. Then after a small moment of silence, I began to play. It was a simple melody.

"What a beautiful sound!" Lilina exclaimed. "But...it sounds so sad."

"I'm glad you like it," I answered, smiling in spite of myself. "It was a song mother used to sing to me whenever I felt sad, and I felt calm when she was near..."

"I think it's really lovely, Roy," she said. "But where is she now? I haven't seen her today, or even yesterday when we arrived."

And then I remembered: Lord Hector hadn't told her about Mother's death! I felt the tears coming and tried to look away, not wanting her to see them. I noticed Uncle Wil and Wolt exchange anxious glances.

"Um...Lady Lilina, have you tried the cook's specialty pudding? It's really good," Uncle Wil said, rather hastily.

"I'm sure you'd really like it!" Wolt added, taking her by the hand. "Come on, let's go!"

Then I was left alone in the room with my thoughts.


	3. Reminiscence

I sat by myself on the piano bench, listening to the pattering of feet and boots on the marble floors down the hallway. The lights in the room were dim, and my eyes began to stray to the rays of sunlight filtering from the glass panes...but as the clouds began to drift to, the sunshine quickly faded. I sighed absently, brushing a hand across my face to wipe away my tears.

"Why did this have to happen...?"

--

"_Mommy! Look what I found!"_

"_What's that you have there?" her voice was soft and gentle._

"_It's a butterfly, Mommy. It's for you!"_

_She knelt down beside me, taking the small creature into her hands. "It's lovely, Roy."_

"_Do you like it?" I blurted, eager for her praise._

"_I do, Roy! I really appreciate it." Mother replied, but I could sense the sadness in her eyes._

"_What's wrong?"_

_Mother carefully placed the butterfly back into my cupped hands, so that I could take a good look at it. "Do you know what 'life' is?"_

"_Life?" I repeated. The question seemed so odd._

"_Life is what we see around us, what we breathe. Daddy and I both have life, and so do you! But...what good is life if you're not free?"_

_My eyes looked from Mother to the tiny butterfly in my palm, then back to Mother again. "It's not good!" I declared._

"_Haha, that's right!" she said, laughing a bit at my ludicrous statement._

"_Then...the butterfly should go home where it belongs," I muttered. She smiled as I lifted up my hand and watched the butterfly flutter off. "But...does that mean you don't like it?"_

_She shook her head. "I like your gift. I really do!"_

"_But I let it free! Now it's gone and you don't have a gift... What good is showing mercy to a butterfly if I can't give it to you anymore?"_

"_Mercy, Roy," she said, her eyes shining with pride, "is probably one of the best gifts of all." _

--

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the door open.

"...Roy? Are you alright?" Lilina looked in from the doorway, wondering whether or not to come in.

"I'm...fine..." I answered, nodding slightly. "How was the pudding?"

She walked inside. "I guess I wasn't very hungry. Are you sure you're doing okay? What's wrong? You seem...upset."

I seemed upset? I _seemed_ upset! I sighed. "Many things have happened lately. I'm sorry."

"Come on, you can tell me!"

Now _this_ was the situation I had tried to avoid. I racked my brain for excuses, subtle answers-- anything to avoid answering her questions. How could I possibly tell her what had happened without getting Lord Hector in trouble, or even worse-- hurting her feelings? I hesitated, wrestling with my thoughts.

"You know Mother, right?"

"Yes..." she looked confused as to why I'd ask such a silly question.

"She always held life in high esteem, telling me that it was a delicate thing, something not to be taken for granted. She told me that life could be born and taken away, but never given to another. Then _her_ life was taken away last week." I stopped, trying to choke down tears. Painful memories screamed in my mind. "Her life was taken away! She didn't do anything wrong! I don't understand why she had to die! I don't understand..." I buried my face in my hands, sobbing, finally giving way to the sorrow that had lain embedded in my heart for so long. "I don't...understand..."

"Roy..." her voice was consoling. "I'm sorry..." she paused for a moment, perhaps to think, or to give me time. "Life...is something very sacred and dear to us; and death is the knife that cuts the thread binding us to this world. And yet...hope still shines brightly for those in darkness. Though others might fade away, they'll still have someplace deep inside you-- right here," she placed one hand over her heart. "But as long as you keep true to yourself, love as your Mother had loved, and show mercy as honorable knights show mercy, there will yet be some hope left in this world. That is what I believe. And I also believe...that your Mother and Father are very proud of you right now."

I didn't know what to say then. I looked up at her face full of compassion, wanting so badly to feel the least bit of hope.

"I understand if you want to be alone for a little while," she said, getting up to leave.

I found my voice. "No...it's alright. Please stay...with me."

"Alright." Her lovely smile had returned.

"Do you still want to...go skating tomorrow?" I asked, tentatively.

"It would be an honor, Roy."

Then it seemed that ever so slightly the clouds parted, and sunlight came cascading down once more.


End file.
